Local goings-on!    Sunday 03/07/2022

I have spent a few days in the past week not feeling great. I think it’s been some sort of parasite I must have ingested. I was unwell last Sunday, then felt better for a couple of days, then was worse than ever on Wednesday. So I haven’t done too much, although since Thursday I’ve been building myself up with 3 eggs a day, low fat Greek yogurt, boiled potatoes etc. and hope that I’ve now thrown it off!

Happily, that does not mean that there is nothing to report! Here follows two stories, the first rather long, that reflect the general atmosphere here – and, as a bonus, say something about human folly…

The first concerns my American neighbour. This time he has fallen victim to what can be called a “romance scam”. (I did wonder whether I should report something like this – it feels like breaking a confidence – but I think that by doing so I might do a favour to somebody reading this. Plus, there is a funny side to it!).

Here goes. He had told me that he was in regular online contact with a Chinese woman of 42 who works on a cruise ship. She has a large house in Calgary, Canada and her father had recently died, leaving her various stuff. They were getting on so well that she was going to fly down here in a few weeks’ time to stay on his boat. He said at the weekend that she was sending him a small parcel. I didn’t comment. Early on Monday morning he calls to me and says please can I speak to you. Sure, come aboard. It turns out that the parcel is a 75kg package. He asked her what is in it and she said Oh, some jewellery, a few things of my dad’s and some cash…

I said: Do you really think that someone who has never met you is going to send jewellery and cash to you in Colombia? From Hong Kong? If it was legitimate she would be sending it to her house in Calgary. He was really crestfallen when I said Mate, this “Chinese woman” of yours does not exist. She’s not on a cruise ship, she’s in China, she’s part of a criminal gang, and she’s got a dick! Who knows what’s in this package – it could be a few million dollars’ worth of cash and jewellery, or it could simply be drugs. 

This made him very worried. I said What you have to do is absolutely cease all contact, and if a shipping company contacts you, refuse to accept any package. Showing how taken in he was (and this I believe is characteristic of victims of romance scams), he said Maybe I’ll just send her a message and say I’m sorry but we can’t talk anymore. Well! I said Stop being an idiot! This woman does not exist! She is a fiction! You have been communicating for the last few months with a criminal gang! So he agreed, yes you’re right. 

On Monday night at about 11pm, he called me – poor guy had been sitting in his boat conjuring up all sorts of horrible scenarios. What happens if the package is delivered here? What do I do? I said You refuse to accept it, call me and get the marina manager involved, who can be told to call the police. Then you’re in the clear. But what if some gangster turns up here or waits for me outside and forces me at gunpoint to go and pick up the package? I said Look, I think that’s unlikely, but if that did happen then you are really in the sh*t! But I calmed him down by saying I doubt whether this package has been dispatched yet.

How right I was! The following morning he comes aboard and says Look at this! He has an email (very bad quality) from a shipping company in Hong Kong, saying that before they can accept a package for transport they need an indemnity from him saying that the contents are not illegal and that money laundering regulations etc. are fully complied with. We both suspected that the email was not from a shipping company, but from the criminals – I said They want you to reply saying what do I do, then they will send you some standard declaration to complete – whatever is needed to get a shipping company to accept the package. Look, to create your own paper trail, reply to this email as if it is from a shipping company, saying that under absolutely no circumstances am I prepared to accept any shipment. And that if they wish to discuss the matter further, they should contact your “Chinese woman” at her email address or phone number. Man, I said, You’re off the hook! No package is going to arrive! The criminals can’t or won’t certify it, they need you to do so! 

He was much relieved. I said Tell me, did you talk to this Chinese woman on a video call? No: he just messaged with her! I said How can you believe that the person is who they are saying if you haven’t even spoken to them? Even if you did, she could be absolutely fraudulent. His answer: Oh, she seemed like such a nice person…

These things might happen online, but there’s nothing new here. Criminals are just exploiting good old human nature: hope, fear, greed, credulity; the desire for status, recognition and – above all – love. Some things never change. Actually, that is good – come what may, we remain human: for better and for worse!

The second thing to report is a bit of fun in the marina late Wednesday afternoon. A Delaware-registered yacht came in. Instead of throwing a mooring line to the marina guy on the dock, the captain threw him a foresail furling line. When he naturally pulled on it, the foresail unfurled. Into a 20 knot wind! He was catapulted into the air, luckily landing unharmed in the water. (Although he’s a big guy, the force of a flying sail in a stiff wind would take anybody off their feet). A couple of us said quietly afterwards: How the hell do you throw somebody a furling line (which for a start should not be so long that such a thing is even possible! Plus, the line that goes directly into the furler should be locked in a jammer when you furl the sail, precisely to prevent any possibility of unintended unfurling). We agreed that we sometimes feel inexperienced, but it’s great to realise that in comparison we are real pros! 

Oh, and as a special additional extra, a bit of action yesterday! I was walking to a shopping centre with my neighbour. We’d just left the marina and turned into the wide road that heads inland. Crack! Unmistakably a pistol shot! A policeman ran into the road, waving his pistol. The shot had come from a car which sped off. Clearly an attempted drive-by shooting, probably aimed at someone on the opposite pavement. The cop flagged down a passing motorbike and commandeered it, jumping on the back! Hilariously, off it roared down the road in hot pursuit, shortly followed by a police motorbike and a police 4×4. Action, haha! I must say that when I heard the shot I immediately looked around for cover; there being none, I was ready to dive to the floor. Should a crazy Latino gunfight break out you don’t want to get caught in the crossfire.

Never a dull moment!